You might know your happiness is important, yet you feel guilty taking time for yourself. In this Happy Bit I share an analogy that will help. Have you ever considered that women are like the sun? Learn how radiating more happiness will change everything in your "solar system."
Do you ever feel trapped by your busy life? Desperate for a little more freedom? Beth Kempton felt the same way. While pregnant with her second child Beth found herself completely burnt out and feeling trapped by her busy schedule. Beth arranged her affairs as they say, and took a 5-month break to relax. During this time she did a lot of thinking and figured out the 8 keys to finding freedom, which she shares with us in this episode.
Beth Kempton is a fierce champion of women living free and happy lives, doing what they love. If you were to read her resume from her early career it would include stints working for the UN and at many of the world's top sports events like the Olympics, hosting her own TV show, and the fact that she speaks Japanese, but the most important thing to know about her life now is that she is on a mission to inspire all of us to fly free. For the past six years she has run a company called Do What You Love which has helped thousands of people to create a life that makes them happy, through online courses and retreats. She is also a wife and mother of two sweet girls, and has recently become a Hay House author. Her first book 'Freedom Seeker: Live more. Worry less. Do what you love.' has just come out.
"What you can do, or dream you can, begin it; boldness has genius, power, and magic in it." ~Goethe
"If you can see something in your mind's eye, then you almost already know how to do that thing. And when you really do that you become bold and you take those difficult steps and you start to see magic unfold."
"For the first time I could see what cage I was trapped in, what it was that was holding me back from the fuller life I used to know...I was just this shell of myself, feeling guilty all the time, not running my business properly, not being a good mother...I was never where I was supposed to be. So if I was playing on the carpet with my baby my hands would be in the game and my head would be in my inbox."
"What I discovered was that the key was taking my mind to somewhere where I could get head space and heart space."
"It was almost like I saw a free version of myself out in the world and I asked myself, 'What did she have that I don't have now?' And realized that it was space. She had a vast amount of space, both physical space in the places she was visiting, but also space in her day, space in her mind, quiet... And I had none of those things. I was very heavily pregnant so it wasn't really realistic to get on a plane and go to Siberia. But I thought, 'How can I make some space?' and I started really small with 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there... I would just go outside and stand on the grass and look at the sun or have a cup of tea and read Flow Magazine. And then that would build up, I'd go to a yoga class or spend half a day walking on the beach. And that made a big difference and I felt better."
Personal habit: "I'm really bad at habits. I have a lot of good intentions. I think my lust for adventure and for wanting things to be fresh and new means I'm very, very bad at habits. But I do know that I'm much better in going through my day when I'm organized, so I do like to sit down and plan my week and have a moment of quiet with a cup of tea."
Easy meal: "Miso and rice. I lived in Japan so it's definitely my favorite."
Favorite kitchen gadget: "Rice cooker."
Best advice received: "Moisturize your neck every day."~Beth's Mom "Keep your eye on the prize. Don't let other people's opinions of how big your idea can be LIMIT your opinion of how big your idea can be."~Lord David Putnam
"Love + Adventure + Freedom."
"Happiness is something that happens on the side when you aim to feel free."
"Ask yourself today what it is that's making you feel trapped and to take yourself to a place when you've felt free in your life and look at the difference and think what can you do right now, in this moment, to feel more like you did the last time you felt free."
The sense of achievement and accomplishment that come with setting goals can be amazing... BUT it can also leave us feeling like we are always lacking something because there's always one more goal we need to work on. Learn how setting an intention is different from setting goals and how intentions can dramatically improve your joy in the journey (rather than always reaching for a new destination).
After a fantastic career as a high-level lawyer, a marriage that looked great from the outside and all the normal definitions of success, Emma Bell realized she wasn’t happy and that she didn’t even really know herself. In this touching episode Emma shares how she learned to be compassionate with herself and live authentically, which set off a chain of events that included becoming an authenticity and mindfulness coach, finding the love of her life (who complements rather than “completes” her) and having the thrill of helping hundreds of other women make the same journey to self love.
Emma Bell lives in a beautiful Scottish village with her husband, Graeme, and her jack russell, Buddy. After seventeen years as a corporate lawyer, the high pressure/long hours culture forced her to realize she was a square peg squeezing into a round hole. She worked as a judge for seven years, during which time she published her book, The True You, and began coaching. She now pursues her passions of writing, teaching authenticity, and motorbiking with her husband around the world.
"David Foster Wallace said, 'You will become way less concerned about what others think of you when you realize how seldom they do.' I just love that quote because it is a reminder to me not to waste a second worrying about what others think of me. You have to live your life with yourself first. I think being true to your values and your principles is what matters most, and it is something I spent 30 years learning."
"For me, it was the point which I realized I had absolutely no idea who I was, that was important to me. I realized I had been living according to everyone else's idea of success. So, that was really when I realized that I needed to get to know myself."
"I had always been so hard on myself. I was not working hard enough, or I was not trying hard enough or I was a failure or.... I started to change those messages... then self-care becomes a lot easier."
"Be clear about what success means to you. My definition of success is having the peace of mind of knowing that I have been the best of which I am capable in every single moment. I have given my full self, I have given my heart, I have given my love in every single moment. That is what success means for me."
"Every single day, just take one step toward your idea of success. Just do one thing that moves you toward your idea of success. And those are, for me, the daily rituals."
Personal habit: "Mindfulness and getting up every morning and meditating."
Easy meal: "Salmon with mango and avocado salsa. Chop up a mango. Chop up an avocado. Put in some red onion. Get the juice of two limes. Cush it all together and serve it along side baked salmon."
Possession: "My husband. He is an awesome cook."
Emma's Favorite Books: "Wishes Fulfilled by Wayne Dyer"
Best advice received: "Emma, you can do everything you want- just not all at the same time. "
1. Being mindful
2. Being authentic
3. Being self-caring
4. Being giving.
5. Being grateful.
I would challenge your listeners to spend 10 minutes being mindful.
The True You - sign up and get a free copy of the Emma's book
Got Overwhelm? In this episode Jen challenges you to become more of a minimalist and to begin the process of decluttering so you can have more energy for experiences and people you love.
Ever wish you had more friends who really had your back? In my interview with Lisa-Jo Baker you'll learn the secrets of being a great friend and developing friendships that stand the test of time and distance.
Lisa-Jo Baker has been the community manager for (in)courage, an online hoe for women all over the world, for nearly a decade. She's also the author of Surprised by Motherhood and her writings have been syndicated from New Zealand to New York. She lives just outside Washington, DC, with her husband and their 3 very loud kids, where she connects, encourages, and champions women in person and through her blog lisajobaker.com
"The shortest distance between strangers and friends is a shared awkward story."
"Time is a gift from God...If we really want to connect with our friends, we have to be willing to be inconvenienced. To make time. Because time is the thing we do not always have enough of. I spent the last few years working on this book. So, I have spent a lot of time studying Jesus' model of friendship. And the thing that is so fascinating to me is He was never too busy, and he was constantly interrupted by people."
"I think what we do not realize about friendship is if we want it to grow deeper, we have to be willing to be inconvenienced by the people around us. And sometimes that is just our own kids, but I think often on a day to day basis, what it looks like for me now is when a friend calls or messages or texts, the neighbor kids come over and knock at the door when I am making dinner, to open the door, to make time to stop what I think is really busy and important, for the people that are right in front of me. "
"I think you have to feed them (friends). They are like plants. They require water and sun and food and all that good stuff. Anytime we are not sowing into our friendship, then it has the opportunity to just kind of wither away."
"While it is good to remain intentional and that is what we do, I think it is also important to have an agreed upon breathing room. So what we say in our friendship is that we believe in guilt-free friendship, which means if you have not had time to respond to that email or that message or that group, or you have to miss the last gathering, nobody gets to call you out on it or be mad at you or make you feel guilty or be passive-aggressive towards you. Because friendship cannot live in that kind of atmosphere either. So, say I am looking for a friendship, that I am trying to be a friend, that's not your skinny-jeans version of friendship, but more like your sweat-pants version of friendship. That leaves room to breathe and to connect."
"When our friends know us, they love us for who we are, not some version of ourselves we are trying to pretend to be. And so being honest with who we are is a gift that we give our friends. And being in a healthy place and being a friend to ourself first, I really do think is what enables us to be a good friend to others."
"It should not be easy to unfriend people... The reality of friendship is that it happens on a slow daily basis between small groups of women who do life together, and that there is such a reward in that."
Personal habit: "I am okay with there being a certain degree of chaos in each of my children's bedrooms, but I need the main living area to be cleared off every night. I cannot handle it if we go to bed with chaos there."
Easy meal: "The Four Ingredient Cookbook. Crunchy Oven-Roasted Chicken. Chicken breast covered in smashed up cornflakes and baked in an oven for an hour. "
Lisa-Jo's Favorite Books: "Trilogy: The Riddlemaster of Hed by Patricia A. McKillip"
Best advice received: "You think love is a feeling. Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice."
"I am happiest when I am by myself watching Netflix alone. I am happiest though with a few very good friends who know me inside and out."
"What is one thing you could do to be inconvenienced this week for someone else?"
Trilogy: The Riddlemaster of Hed by Patricia A. McKillip
Want to increase self love, self worth and happiness? Then you've got to let go of that emotional baggage. I tell you how in this Happy Bit.
Orly Wahba found herself feeling shy, lonely and ignored in high school, until one day she looked in the mirror and remembered a dream she’d had as a child to make a difference in the world. She literally changed her personality and life, and began doing everything she could to be the type of friend she’d wished she had in high school. Listen to hear Orly’s experiences touching the hearts of 7 years worth of middle school students, creating a viral video that has been watched by 26 million+ people, and what she’s doing today to continue to spread this boomerang of kindness.
Orly Wahba is an author, speaker, educator, entrepreneur and community activist who began her career in Brooklyn, NY, where she taught Middle School children to embrace unity, build self-esteem, and be an influence for good. She’s the founder of Life Vest Inside, a non-profit with a mission to empower people of all backgrounds to lead a life of kindness. LVI shot to national attention when her film, Kindness Boomerang, went viral, landing her a spot on TED. In her spare time Orly loves sports, music, movies, figure skating, and above all, spending time with her family.
"Margarette Mead: Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
"Showing that each and every person makes a difference matters in a huge way. Everybody has something they can contribute."
"When a person understands their value, they can now understand the value within each and every person."
"To empower people to understand their value, that they matter, that they are significant. And even though they might be one in 7 billion people, the number that matters the most is that they are one. "
"So often people do not understand their value. And if you think about it, if you do not understand your value, there is no way you could understand the value of another."
"Every single second we have a choice, whether to act or to allow things to pass us by."
"When we put something out there positive into the world, the impact and the effects are tremendous, that who we are makes a difference. It does not matter what our job title is but just who we are. That when you walk into the room, you impact people, you affect people. You touch people's lives just by being you. And that is so important to remember."
"I believe that any child can learn, any child can succeed. It is just about being able to get through to them, empowering them enough to believe in themselves when they fail. Because a kid that can do well is going to do well, with or without that grade teacher."
"I know that you are going to try and push me away. I am one person you are never going to push away."
"If you think you cannot do it, you cannot. If you think you dare not, you do not. If you would like to win, and think you cannot, it almost like saying you would not. If you think you lose, you are lost. For out in this world, we find success begins with a fellow's will; it is all in the state of mind. Life's battles do not always go to the stronger or the faster man. For sooner or later, the man who wins is the one who thinks he can."
"I am in the job of falling in love with people more and more each day. You cannot see the beauty in others if you do not stop and see the beauty in yourself. You just cannot. Kindness has to begin with you. If you do not love you, if you do not truly believe that you matter, that you make a difference, that you are not your job, or you are not how much you make, or you are not how many followers you have, if you are only going to look at yourself in those ways, if you do not truly love you, outside of those things, then how are you going to love other people?"
"Loving yourself and building that confidence is not like a video game. It is not like you finish all the levels and then you won. It is a constant battle. There are days where I feel really low on myself. And that is okay, and that is normal. It is not about always being positive, no one can always be positive. It is not real then. You are allowed to feel down. You have to take ownership of those feelings, but you have to be able to be able pick yourself back up afterwards."
"It is very easy to compare ourselves with others, especially in today's world of digital media. When people measure themselves, and measure their value based on numbers (how many followers, how many likes, how many friends..), those things make no difference. It is a facade; it is so fake; what does it mean? It might for the moment make us feel good. But the only person that could really make you feel good about you is you. Happiness comes from you. It comes from inside. If your happiness is going to depend on a person or on a thing, then it is going to be something that will never become attainable because it is going to be something you are constantly chasing. But if it is happiness based on something that is within you, it is based inside of you, then it is a choice that you make every single day. It is not easy. But nothing that is worthwhile is necessarily going to be easy."
"Our ability to stay afloat in a world that sometimes seems to be pulling us downward is inside of us. It is through the kindness that we give to others and through the kindness that others give to us that we keep each other afloat in this world because we cannot prevent the obstacles and the mishaps and curve balls from coming our way. They are going to come. But what we can do, what we have the power to do, what is in our ability to do is to throw somebody a life vest. A lifeline of kindness. That even though they are still surrounded by those troubles, they are still surrounded by those waters, that life vest is the difference between life and death. It gives them the hope to know that it is going to be okay. "
"...it is not huge gestures, it is the simple things that make the difference. And what we find often is that when we give of ourselves, we actually receive so much more. In a sense, it is like blowing air in our own life vest to keep us strong. When we give, that is the air that we blow into our life vest, making our life vest bigger and stronger, so we can then help others. Because when a person is engaged in active giving or in active kindness, then we feel so good, and there is scientific evidence and proof behind this. We release endorphins. People are less stressed. They live a longer life."
"Confidence comes from a place of strength. A person of confidence will make you feel like you matter. They will make you feel included. They will make you feel important. Arrogance comes from weakness. A person of arrogance will make you feel fearful, will make you feel like you are not good enough, will make you feel intimidated. That is the true test."
"I had to learn to be okay with being alone and still loving myself."
"Use positive energy to propel you forward. Negativity will only lead you down the road of negativity. The more you start looking for good, the more good you are going to see."
Personal habit: "Prayer is a very big thing for me. That has kept me the most grounded. It is my guiding star. Honestly, through all the hardships."
"From Friday night to Saturday night. No phone. No television. No talking about work. No any sort of electric things. It is just being with my family. Being with myself. Connecting to and reflecting on the previous week as to what happened. How I have grown. To have a great time of connectivity and just hanging out with family and playing board games and stuff."
Easy meal: "Fish and beans."
Possession: "Magic Bullet"
Orly's Favorite Books: "The Garden of Emuna: A Practical Guide to Life by Shalom Arush" and "The Secret by Rhonda Byrne"
Best advice received: "Believe in myself and to keep pushing forward. And to know that everything happens for a reason." - Dad
1. Recognizing you matter. Self-Value component. Self-Love.
2. Pursuing your passion.
3. Opening yourself up to ways that you can offer a lending hand to others. Giving kindness. Engaging in kindness.
"Catching Kindness cards. The purpose of these kindness cards, when you see somebody doing it--an act of kindness for someone else--you give somebody a card, and it says on it, 'Tag you're it. You have been caught in the act. Now it is your turn to catch someone else in the act.' Exercise your eye muscle, get out there and spot kindness that is happening around you. Not that is happening to you. It is easy to see kindness happening to you, but the more you start becoming aware of kindness that is happening--good things that are happening in the world--a lot more goodness is going to be reflected back to you. Have at least one positive thing a day that you catch people doing for others."
Viral Video: Kindness Boomerang - "One Day"