In this episode, I chat with Jill Savage and she shares a lifetime of experiences and struggles - including raising 5 children, facing the challenges of her husband's lifelong depression and an act of infidelity, and her triumph over breast cancer - each which helped her learn to feel with others rather than trying to fix others. Author of 11 books, Jill shares many nuggets of wisdom about building stronger relationships and not comparing our "insides" to other people's "outsides."
Jill Savage is known as The Go-To Mom. She is the founder and CEO of Hearts at Home, an organization dedicated to being a moms best place for answers. She is also a popular public speaker and has written eleven books including, Real Moms ... Real Jesus, the best-selling No More Perfect Moms, No More Perfect Kids, and her most recent book authored with her daughter Anne, Better Together. Jill and her husband, Mark, live in Illinois and have five children and three grandchildren.
"We have to stop comparing our insides to other people's outsides." - from Jill's friend
"It is recognizing another person's pain. It is not necessarily agreeing with it. It is not giving them pat answers to pull them out of it. It is sitting in the pain with them. So being able to say, 'Wow! That must just feel really dark to you, I am so sorry that it gets hard like this.' That is a validating statement."
"He starts feeling like I am distant from him when I try to fix him. But when I try to feel with him, he says that, 'That makes me feel closer..' to him, and that is huge. Me learning to feel over fixing."
"Feel, don't fix."
"They say people don't care what you know until they know that you care. "
"Unfortunately, we just live in a very broken world. I think that the struggle, the pain, the hardship is just a natural byproduct of the human experience."
"I am an introvert, and I am refueled by being alone. And so another part of self-care is figuring out ways that I can be alone. "
"We cannot be a perfect parent, but we have to stop trying to be perfect and embrace being perfected. That is what God does with the broken places in our life."
Personal habit: "Self-care is not selfish. Each morning I get up and I take an exercise class. I always also take time to have a little quiet time with the Lord. I perceive all of that as self-care. "
Easy meal: Mexican. Cook lots of beef or chicken in the crockpot, add Mexican seasonings, then serve it throughout the week with veggies and toppings.
Possession: My little chopper from Pampered Chef
Jill's Favorite Book: How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Best advice received: "You've got to stop comparing your insides to other people's outside."
"Faith + Family + Friends"
"My challenge is to stop trying to be perfect but embrace being perfected."
Better Together: Because You're Not Meant to Mom Alone by Jill Savage
No More Perfect Moms: Learn to Love Your Real Life by Jill Savage
Real Moms...Real Jesus: Meet the Friend Who Understands by Jill Savage
How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
As we celebrate Thanksgiving in the U.S. today, we think about gratitude. But have you ever listed all the things you're grateful for about yourself? Today is your chance to celebrate YOU! When you can be grateful for yourself, you'll be able to love from a much more deeply authentic place.
Callie Blount grew up in a Southern home and was taught that hospitality is a fantastic way to show love. Carrying those traditions forward, Callie talks in this interview about how to be hospitable while still maintaining time for self care, yet not being afraid to be vulnerable and allow people into her home. Callie teaches, "People aren't going to remember what your house looked like. They're going to remember how you made them feel." Callie loves beauty, people and creating, which she uses in her career as a food stylist. She blogs at Luv-Cooks.com. She lives in Nashville with her husband Jake and their cute dog Bigsby.
"Life is either a grand adventure or nothing else." ~Helen Keller
"I was raised in a very southern household with a very southern mama who I absolutely adore. I grew up in this culture of - whether it was a wedding or a funeral or a baby shower - her motto was 'Well, ya gotta eat!' so you might as well be eating at her house. This culture of beautiful tables and beautiful spreads and this enjoyment of food and of people.... There's something about this love of food, love of people, and love of beauty that resonates in my spirit and brings me such fulfillment."
"My mom modeled for me this culture of hospitality. For her it was her way to love us well."
"The best way to love somebody is to cook for them."
"Hospitality is more about the people who are sitting in your living room than it is about you looking fancy or like the coolest hostess in the world. It's about loving them well and making them feel special."
"It's about having a good time and celebrating life with the people around you. It's really more important the way people FEEL when they're in your home than the way your home appears to them."
"Today is the day that I have. Today is my grand adventure. I'm not promised tomorrow. Today is my chance to love people, to be kind to them, to have a good time with whatever situation I'm in and to let my intention be TODAY."
"At the end of the day, land on the side of relationship."
"People who can celebrate food are the best people!"
Personal habit: "I pray all the time. I try to still myself and maintain a place of peace in my spirit."
Easy meal: Roasted Veggie and Quinoa Bowl with Creamy Asian Dressing (See below in the Resources for the recipe)
Favorite Kitchen Gadget: "Buying a Vitamix Blender has changed our world!" (See below in the Resources for Callie's Chocoholic Smoothie recipe)
Callie's Favorite Book: Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist
Best advice received: "The enemy of good is perfect."
"Encourage, Feed, and Inspire People."
"Go out there and practice hospitality. Choose to land on the side of community!"
Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist
Callie's Pump-Me-Up Chocoholic Smoothie
Roasted Veggie and Quinoa Bowl with Creamy Asian Dressing
For the vegetables:
1 sweet potato, diced
1/2 pound okra, sliced into thin circles OR 3 carrots, sliced on the diagonal
1/2 head broccoli, sliced into florets
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon salt (or to taste)
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
For the quinoa:
1 cup quinoa
2 cups vegetable or chicken broth
For the Asian dressing sauce:
3 tablespoons Sun Butter (or peanut or almond butter)
2 teaspoons soy sauce (or more to taste)
1 teaspoon honey
1/2 teaspoon lime juice
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
Green onions, sliced (for topping)
Toasted sesame seeds (for topping)
This is the place where I love to do affirmations, meditation, prayer, and general thinking...
Andrea Joy Wenburg spent many years early in her marriage believing her worth was a direct reflection of how much her husband respected or admired her. After the difficult birth of her second child, Andrea hit a deep low point in her life and struggled for months believing her husband didn’t respect her anymore. Listen as Andrea shares her story of coming to the realization that she was already loved by God and that she no longer had to be a victim of what other people thought of her. This story of empowerment and marital healing will help you develop greater self love, and learn how to love others way more than you fear them.
Andrea is an author, speaker and personal brand strategist who shares a message encouraging others toward a love-filled, authentic self expression in relationships and thought leadership. Her book UNFROZEN: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You tells the story of her struggle to find effective expression of her own deep thoughts and intense feelings. Making their home in Nebraska, Andrea is totally in love with her husband and two creative kids.
"Healing is not the absence of pain. It is when you choose to love despite the pain. - Dr. Larry Crabb"
"Even my own self-love seems to go up and down. For me that fixed point is God's love. So that is how I thought and that is how I have been able to rest in that ever since then - so my self esteem is not going up and down and up and down based on how other people perceive me, and I am not chasing after their respect. I am not chasing after those two things that I wanted: that seat at the table. I am not chasing after acceptance, and I am not chasing after that chance to have an impact because I know I have them both."
"Taking risks is like loving other people."
"I believe that every single person has a reputation of some kind, and we can be intentional with how we go about our lives. And if we are intentional and we have a purpose, we feel like we have a purpose, then we are going to move with more power as we move through and make decisions about what we are going to do with our lives and that we each have a message that might be born out of struggle. And when we get really in touch with where we we have been, how far we have come, and where we are moving then we can take that and turn it into a really powerful force."
"You do not have to worry about what this other person's thinking about you."
“I’m not a victim of what other people think of me.” I can love them even if they hurt me.”
“I decided I was going to love them more than I fear them.”
Personal habit: "I'm not good at habits."
Easy meal: "My favorite easy meal is the one that I pull right out of the freezer and throw in the oven and that is chicken strips and sweet potato fries. We bake them, we do not fry them."
Possession: "Wooden cutting board from my father-in-law."
Andrea's Favorite Book: Connecting: Healing Ourselves and Our Relationships by Larry Crabb
Best advice received: "To offer what I am good at."
"I am happiest when I am at rest in God's love internally. So that I can work externally towards that loving self-expression. "
"Name your fears. [I take a good look at my fears and ask, 'What is threatened in me? What’s more true than this fear?'] Then remember God loves you. You can be free."
Connecting: Healing Ourselves and Our Relationships by Larry Crabb
Frozen (2013 Movie)
Ever feel disappointed because your spouse or kids aren't doing what you wanted? Or because your house doesn't look the way it "should"? Learn how getting go of expectations and perhaps even yelling "Plot Twist!" can make all the difference in your happiness.
Early in life Judy Tsuei tried hard to control everything, a form of self protection, but after developing a severe eating disorder Judy knew she needed to change or die. After letting go of her emotional pain using the “Feel it To Heal It” method, Judy embarked on a journey to discover her own path - the things that bring her genuine happiness. Judy shares her story of growth and also adapting her identity a bit after she became a mama 2 years ago. Listen and learn how Judy is living a vibrant and happy life today largely because she has let go of that control and all the “shoulds” that plagued her for years and is finding her own path of happiness.
Judy moved from Kauai in Hawaii to pursue van living with her little `ohana (family) and she's the proud mama of an almost 2-year old named Wilder Love Fox. They're currently in Idaho on the way to Austin, TX to possibly plant roots for a little while. Along the way, she authored a highly reviewed book, Meditations for Mamas: You Deserve to Feel Good, now available on Amazon, and offers nurturing coaching programs for new mamas in the way of mini-retreats you can do from the comfort of your own home, as well as one-on-one support in the 4th Trimester, so mamas can thrive as they find their identities again.
"When something goes wrong in your life, just yell, 'Plot twist!' and move on."
"I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers which could not given to you now because you will not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything, live the questions now. Perhaps then someday far in the future, you will gradually without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." ~Rainer Maria Rilke
"You really have to feel it to heal it."
"The only way to get to that genuinely happy place is if you allow all the shadow-side things to exist with it."
"Because I have experienced such a depth of pain, I know I also have the capacity to really feel that joy. To feel like more joy than I can imagine because you know, I was a really sensitive person and I believe in balance, I believe in all of that. And since, having my daughter and all of that.. it is totally true. If you told me that my life would look like like it does now
versus when I was at the lowest point of my life, I would have never believed you and walked away from you."
"Each person is unique... For every single person on this planet, they have their own unique path towards enlightenment. So, you have your own unique path to joy. Someone else has theirs. And it is really about allowing yourself to explore that."
Personal habit: "It is balance. It is really remembering why I am working so hard just to be able to spend time with my family and that I tend to be by nature, one of those people who likes to work a lot, I really like to be creative, I really like
to build things and putting in those breaks and really turning off the phone, not being distracted is so valuable and replenishing yourself, so you can have fresh perspective and come back back at it renewed."
Easy meal: "Roasting a chicken and making a quick side of veggies."
Possession: "Bodum - personal French press that is stainless steel"
Judy's Favorite Book: Creating Money: Attracting Abundance by Sanaya Roman
Best advice received: "The only thing that will ever hold you back from your success in life is your own fear. That's it, just your own fear. "
"I am happiest when I am being creative, kind and generous, moving my body and [being in] nature and loving on my family. "
"Really observe the self-talk that you might have without judgement."
Meditations for Mamas: You Deserve to Feel Good by Judy Tsuei
Bodum - personal French press that is stainless steel
Creating Money: Attracting Abundance by Sanaya Roman
Do you sometimes believe you're less than some other women you know? Perhaps you believe you're genetically flawed or that you were raised poorly, leaving you no chance to be "as good as" others?
Learn how to change your negative self talk so you can open yourself up for greater opportunities and fulfillment.
Oh, and YOU ROCK!