Learn why choosing happiness is a better idea than setting yet another New Year's resolution. And how to make 2017 your best year ever!
Kate Bee grew up in a home that relied on alcohol as a coping mechanism for stress and a means to celebrate everything. Eventually Kate realized she was drinking too much and finding it nearly impossible to stop, but she pressed on and is happily living an alcohol-free lifestyle today and sharing what she has learned with others. Kate shares several great tips that are helpful for overcoming any addiction, including food, such as pushing through fear and the importance of human connection.
Kate Bee is the founder of The Sober School, where she coaches women through early sobriety and helps them navigate alcohol-free living without feeling deprived or miserable. Kate's mission is to remove the stigma, misinformation and fear that surrounds addiction. Kate lives near Manchester in the UK and in her spare time she likes running, reading and drinking too much tea.
"Everything you want is on the other side of fear."
"Feeling fear is good, and anything that is worth doing will bring out fear... Fear is a kind of indicator of what we need to do."
"Give it a hundred percent. Do not let that fear put you off or hold you back. "
"I felt so awful that I had wasted all this money going to this expensive boot camp, and to make things worst, for once, none of my friends were drinking because they were actually going dry in January. And so I had to pretend that I was doing it with them, and I think that was the first time I thought, 'Oh my God, something is really wrong here that I am lying to my closest friends!' So, I think that was a moment that I thought something really has to change."
"So, it was from writing the blog (read Kate's blog here) and building up some recovery and realizing that I was not the only one, that I started to think. There is really a lack of support in this area, and we need something to change."
"So, it took me a really long time to realize that actually there were other coping mechanisms out there. And for a little while, I think I transitioned from alcohol to food which you know, is not ideal, is not perfect. I ate way to much ice cream during my first year of sobriety. And now I think I have got it nailed down a bit bitter. I know that I have to exercise like at least every other day. Nothing beats running for being a stress buster and helping you cope with your emotions."
"You can talk to people and that really helps you deal with what is going on with your life. I used to never talk to people. I used to really keep everything inside. I was not very good at talking about how I was really feeling, so that was like a big learning curve for me."
"Realizing that something may not be right is really a big step forward. We live in this culture where drinking is so normalized that actually realizing that all is not okay, that is such a great step."
"If you think you have a problem with alcohol and you think it is holding you back in some way, it is great to take a break from it. Ideally a month, maybe 2 or even 3 months because someone who is a truly a take-it-or-leave-it drinker - who truly has a healthy relationship with alcohol - should be able to leave it for a period of time. And so I definitely recommend experimenting with having a break. It does not have to be forever. And I hate talking about the F word, because it freaks everybody out. Just a short term target is great."
"The key to sobriety is changing the way you feel about alcohol."
Personal habit: Sleeping better.
Easy meal: "Moroccan dish. Chicken and some spices. And throw in some vegetables, courgettes, peppers, what ever you've got around. Put it into a slow cook and it comes out really nice."
Possession: "Caffetiere and dishwasher"
Kate's Favorite Books: I Thought It Was Just Me byBrené Brown.
Best advice received: "Success happens when you keep taking action."
"Living an alcohol-free lifestyle. Moving my body. Staying fit and well. Connecting with others. Having good friendships and relationships."
"For anyone who feels they are drinking too much or that the alcohol is holding them back in some way, a great challenge would be to start keeping a drink diary. It is really good to get things down on paper or just make a few notes on your phone so you can see what is happening in black and white. You take things out of your head and put it somewhere where you can look at it more objectively. Keep a record of what you are drinking and write down why, what it is you are looking for and how are you feeling at that time."
The Sober School (Kate's Program that will help you become alcohol free. The next program begins on January 2, 2017).
Learn an easy tip to help you make 2017 WAY more successful. And you can do it any time you want... while driving, while walking... and more!
Shawna Percy shares 2 stories of pain and grief that initially led her to be silent and holding the pain inside of her. But listen to hear how talking about the pain of an abusive situation, as well as sharing the grief of her husband's suicide, helped her to reclaim her voice and her power.
Shawna Percy is a published author, speaker, and advocate. When Shawna was 32 her first husband died by suicide. Overnight Shawna became an only-parent, and was left to find her way through a traumatic grief journey. Today Shawna is known as the Good Grief Guru. She has remarried, now has two children, became a certified suicide intervention trainer, and is thrilled to take the TEDxUW stage on November 26th. Her motto: Talking today changes tomorrow."
"We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. - Maya Angelou"
"As I am open with my story and I talk to other people, what gets reciprocated is that other people can relate and they open up and start sharing their stories."
"Unfortunately, some life lessons take some time to surface. But one of things that helped me was someone once told me a Cherokee parable, which is the story of two wolves: There this story of two wolves, and one is full of everything bad...greed, hate, anger, resentment, all of these terrible things. And then there is this other wolf, who is full of love, hope, kindness, everything good... And these two wolves, go to battle. And the question this person asked me as they were telling me this story was 'which one do you think wins?' And part of me was tempted to say, 'Well, I kinda feel like the bad wolf is gonna win because there's things sometimes feel like they're stronger.' And she said, 'The answer is whichever one you feed.'"
"...believe that most people generally have good intentions. And if I pour love out into the world and stay open and vulnerable with people, I have known some of the greatest supports of my life to come out of that. And so really, when tragedy hit my life later on, and my first husband died, I am not sure that I would have had of incredible support that I did have, if I had not really fostered the side that are in the good wolf. If I had not fostered love and kindness and vulnerability and staying open to other people."
"One of the reasons why I talk so openly about suicide and my grief journey and all of that today is that it was by breaking that silence that I became more united with this person and we were able to then go through this journey together instead of on our own."
"I learned in that moment that someone else's reaction about something that I have shared is not really a reflection on me, it is a reflection on where they are at at that time."
"I have seen that lives have been saved by me talking openly and directly about suicide."
"Our loss in our life can be transformed into learning, and there can be gain from our pain."
Personal habit: "I would say being persistent and telling anyone and everyone about these tools and openly talking about suicide."
Easy meal: "Stir Fry. Lots of veggies, fried up in soy sauce over jasmine rice. "
Shawna's Favorite Books: Traveling Mercies, Plan B, and Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year by Anne Lamott
Best advice received: "'Have the courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.' After my first husband died, it would have been so tempting to close up and not let anyone in, but this advice really encouraged me to remain open and to remain vulnerable and I have found that so much love and support has come to me through that."
"The Breath of Life. The Height of Life. And the Length of life: The inward reach, the outward reach and the upward reach."
Go to the livingworks.net website. And look for a training in your area. Go sign up for a safe talk or an assist.
Traveling Mercies, Plan B, and Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year by Anne Lamott
Sometimes we just need to forgive and let go...
Laura Thompson Brady was happy to be a stay-at-home mom for her 2 kids, but after a time she realized she felt a deep level of sadness and a dimming of her inner light. Laura began to ask, “What am I meant to be doing?” Laura spent lots of time simply LISTENING to her intuition and thoughts and realized she had been neglecting an important part of herself: a desire to nurture other women and to improve the world, which began the Mamas on a Mission movement.
Laura Thompson Brady, Ph.D. & founder of The Nourished Home, leads the Mama on a Mission Movement, where she helps visionary women step “outside of the box” and lead the way to greater harmony, freedom, healing, and joy for their themselves, their families, the communities they serve, and the larger world we call home. Laura lives with her husband and two girls in Maine. You can learn more about Laura’s work at www.thenourishedhome.com.
"Resolve to be always beginning." - Rainer Maria Rilke
"No matter how much we think we know, that there is always something more to learn, there is something more to grow into."
"If I want that for you (Flannery), and if I want you to find the way to that, the best way I can do that is by living that and figuring that out and modeling that for you, and so that hit me really hard."
"I was neglecting these parts of myself and that I really needed to lovingly tend to them and listen to them and open myself up to the possibility to what it would look like to be in the space of really loving the opportunities that I have through motherhood and being with my family as well as having the opportunity and the openness to really look at what are the other ways I am called as a human being to make impact and to show up in this world while I am here. That was the turning point that I wanted to share."
"The listening and contemplation and a little bit of research, I decided that I wanted to merge my academic background with really supporting people in a very empowering and positive way."
"Another piece that was so radically important that in terms of the inner work that was required for me, it was around really acknowledging with love all of the fears that I had about stepping into my work."
"I’ve always felt called in some capacity to do healing work with people."
"I allowed myself to really have the space to deeply listen."
Personal habit: "Walking meditations that I do out in the woods. Simply being in the natural environment reminds us to calm the nervous system, to ground into ourselves and to get quiet."
Possession: Chef's Knife
Best advice received: "In any moment when you are not sure of what to do, or you are afraid or you do not know how to move forward with somebody, just ask yourself what would love do?"
"I am happiest when I get outside everyday, when I have quiet space to listen to my intuition and to make space to do something playful or joyful or relaxing with people that I love, something that has no purpose other than to just be playful, just be joyful or just relax and be, and connect, or just be creative for the sake of creativity."
"Let go of holiday overwhelm, to let go of all of the things that you think you should be doing to create a perfect holiday for your family or your loved ones and to all the kinds of things that we are talking about in this podcast. To really listen, how do I most want to feel during this holiday season? What do I most want to experience and share with people that I love? What is that I most value? that I do not want miss out on during this time of sacred celebration?"
HectictoHarmonious.com (get a copy of Laura's ebook!)
Do you ever think about all the lights around you? Light through a window, streaming from a bulb, twinkling from a star? I challenge you in this HappyBit to think about LIGHT - physical and otherwise.
Jane Stoller hit a low point in life after a move and changing jobs and relationships. She asked herself, "What is making me so unhappy?" and quickly realized the lack of organization was really putting a damper on her happiness. Learn how Jane survived that low point by getting organized Jane is originally from Canada and now resides in Zurich, Switzerland and she's constantly finding new ways to get and stay organized. Jane is the author of Organizing for Your Lifestyle, which provides inspiration to make organization fit YOUR needs.
"And for every minutes spent organizing, an hour is earned."
"For me, I naturally start it with reorganizing my closet and whenever I am in kind of a low point, that is what I do, I organize my own and then sometimes I have lots of friends that love it when I come to do theirs. So that gives me kind of a feeling that I have accomplished something. "
"When I am organized, I am my happiest."
"If you have a perfect organizing system, sustaining that is the most important part, otherwise there is no point even getting organized. So that is where I say, 'Make it your lifestyle but do not think about it all the time. Make it a routine... Make it fit for your lifestyle'"
"My day starts the night before. Planning my outfit for the next day and my meals. So I make sure that when I wake up in the morning, whether I am working out first thing in the morning or whether I am going to the office or on the weekend, I have my outfit planned, so there is no last minute stress of looking for what to wear or what not. So, I think that really helps you start off on a right foot. And if you start off on that right foot, the rest of the day, I find usually smooth flows pretty smoothly."
Personal habit: Organizing Calendar. Planning.
Easy meal: "Swiss meal. Rösti. Like hashbrowns. Lots of carbs. It is really similar to hashbrowns but they make it into a pie form. I learned it from my mom and it is my favorite side dish to make."
Possession: "My juice maker."
Jane's Favorite Book: The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo
Best advice received: "Do not sweat the small stuff."
"Being with my family. Being healthy and exercising. And of course, being organized."
"Write down three organizing goals. I think that will really help everybody start their organizing challenge. It could be small goals like organize everyday or perhaps larger ones like a creative organizing system. Whatever it is, write down three small organizing goals. "
Organizing for Your Lifestyle by Jane Stoller
The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo
Rösti - here is the recipe
Jane's Book PR Contact is Kelsey McBride
How do you want to FEEL? And how can you find more free time for doing the things that generate the feeling you want?
Join me for a free Master Class: "How to Create More Time for the Things You Love (Without Neglecting Your Family or Feeling Guilty) and learn how to create 10+ hours of free time each week.
Sign up at JenRiday.com/JenClass
In this episode, I chat with Jill Savage and she shares a lifetime of experiences and struggles - including raising 5 children, facing the challenges of her husband's lifelong depression and an act of infidelity, and her triumph over breast cancer - each which helped her learn to feel with others rather than trying to fix others. Author of 11 books, Jill shares many nuggets of wisdom about building stronger relationships and not comparing our "insides" to other people's "outsides."
Jill Savage is known as The Go-To Mom. She is the founder and CEO of Hearts at Home, an organization dedicated to being a moms best place for answers. She is also a popular public speaker and has written eleven books including, Real Moms ... Real Jesus, the best-selling No More Perfect Moms, No More Perfect Kids, and her most recent book authored with her daughter Anne, Better Together. Jill and her husband, Mark, live in Illinois and have five children and three grandchildren.
"We have to stop comparing our insides to other people's outsides." - from Jill's friend
"It is recognizing another person's pain. It is not necessarily agreeing with it. It is not giving them pat answers to pull them out of it. It is sitting in the pain with them. So being able to say, 'Wow! That must just feel really dark to you, I am so sorry that it gets hard like this.' That is a validating statement."
"He starts feeling like I am distant from him when I try to fix him. But when I try to feel with him, he says that, 'That makes me feel closer..' to him, and that is huge. Me learning to feel over fixing."
"Feel, don't fix."
"They say people don't care what you know until they know that you care. "
"Unfortunately, we just live in a very broken world. I think that the struggle, the pain, the hardship is just a natural byproduct of the human experience."
"I am an introvert, and I am refueled by being alone. And so another part of self-care is figuring out ways that I can be alone. "
"We cannot be a perfect parent, but we have to stop trying to be perfect and embrace being perfected. That is what God does with the broken places in our life."
Personal habit: "Self-care is not selfish. Each morning I get up and I take an exercise class. I always also take time to have a little quiet time with the Lord. I perceive all of that as self-care. "
Easy meal: Mexican. Cook lots of beef or chicken in the crockpot, add Mexican seasonings, then serve it throughout the week with veggies and toppings.
Possession: My little chopper from Pampered Chef
Jill's Favorite Book: How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Best advice received: "You've got to stop comparing your insides to other people's outside."
"Faith + Family + Friends"
"My challenge is to stop trying to be perfect but embrace being perfected."
Better Together: Because You're Not Meant to Mom Alone by Jill Savage
No More Perfect Moms: Learn to Love Your Real Life by Jill Savage
Real Moms...Real Jesus: Meet the Friend Who Understands by Jill Savage
How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
As we celebrate Thanksgiving in the U.S. today, we think about gratitude. But have you ever listed all the things you're grateful for about yourself? Today is your chance to celebrate YOU! When you can be grateful for yourself, you'll be able to love from a much more deeply authentic place.
Callie Blount grew up in a Southern home and was taught that hospitality is a fantastic way to show love. Carrying those traditions forward, Callie talks in this interview about how to be hospitable while still maintaining time for self care, yet not being afraid to be vulnerable and allow people into her home. Callie teaches, "People aren't going to remember what your house looked like. They're going to remember how you made them feel." Callie loves beauty, people and creating, which she uses in her career as a food stylist. She blogs at Luv-Cooks.com. She lives in Nashville with her husband Jake and their cute dog Bigsby.
"Life is either a grand adventure or nothing else." ~Helen Keller
"I was raised in a very southern household with a very southern mama who I absolutely adore. I grew up in this culture of - whether it was a wedding or a funeral or a baby shower - her motto was 'Well, ya gotta eat!' so you might as well be eating at her house. This culture of beautiful tables and beautiful spreads and this enjoyment of food and of people.... There's something about this love of food, love of people, and love of beauty that resonates in my spirit and brings me such fulfillment."
"My mom modeled for me this culture of hospitality. For her it was her way to love us well."
"The best way to love somebody is to cook for them."
"Hospitality is more about the people who are sitting in your living room than it is about you looking fancy or like the coolest hostess in the world. It's about loving them well and making them feel special."
"It's about having a good time and celebrating life with the people around you. It's really more important the way people FEEL when they're in your home than the way your home appears to them."
"Today is the day that I have. Today is my grand adventure. I'm not promised tomorrow. Today is my chance to love people, to be kind to them, to have a good time with whatever situation I'm in and to let my intention be TODAY."
"At the end of the day, land on the side of relationship."
"People who can celebrate food are the best people!"
Personal habit: "I pray all the time. I try to still myself and maintain a place of peace in my spirit."
Easy meal: Roasted Veggie and Quinoa Bowl with Creamy Asian Dressing (See below in the Resources for the recipe)
Favorite Kitchen Gadget: "Buying a Vitamix Blender has changed our world!" (See below in the Resources for Callie's Chocoholic Smoothie recipe)
Callie's Favorite Book: Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist
Best advice received: "The enemy of good is perfect."
"Encourage, Feed, and Inspire People."
"Go out there and practice hospitality. Choose to land on the side of community!"
Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist
Callie's Pump-Me-Up Chocoholic Smoothie
Roasted Veggie and Quinoa Bowl with Creamy Asian Dressing
For the vegetables:
1 sweet potato, diced
1/2 pound okra, sliced into thin circles OR 3 carrots, sliced on the diagonal
1/2 head broccoli, sliced into florets
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon salt (or to taste)
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
For the quinoa:
1 cup quinoa
2 cups vegetable or chicken broth
For the Asian dressing sauce:
3 tablespoons Sun Butter (or peanut or almond butter)
2 teaspoons soy sauce (or more to taste)
1 teaspoon honey
1/2 teaspoon lime juice
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
Green onions, sliced (for topping)
Toasted sesame seeds (for topping)
This is the place where I love to do affirmations, meditation, prayer, and general thinking...
Andrea Joy Wenburg spent many years early in her marriage believing her worth was a direct reflection of how much her husband respected or admired her. After the difficult birth of her second child, Andrea hit a deep low point in her life and struggled for months believing her husband didn’t respect her anymore. Listen as Andrea shares her story of coming to the realization that she was already loved by God and that she no longer had to be a victim of what other people thought of her. This story of empowerment and marital healing will help you develop greater self love, and learn how to love others way more than you fear them.
Andrea is an author, speaker and personal brand strategist who shares a message encouraging others toward a love-filled, authentic self expression in relationships and thought leadership. Her book UNFROZEN: Stop Holding Back and Release the Real You tells the story of her struggle to find effective expression of her own deep thoughts and intense feelings. Making their home in Nebraska, Andrea is totally in love with her husband and two creative kids.
"Healing is not the absence of pain. It is when you choose to love despite the pain. - Dr. Larry Crabb"
"Even my own self-love seems to go up and down. For me that fixed point is God's love. So that is how I thought and that is how I have been able to rest in that ever since then - so my self esteem is not going up and down and up and down based on how other people perceive me, and I am not chasing after their respect. I am not chasing after those two things that I wanted: that seat at the table. I am not chasing after acceptance, and I am not chasing after that chance to have an impact because I know I have them both."
"Taking risks is like loving other people."
"I believe that every single person has a reputation of some kind, and we can be intentional with how we go about our lives. And if we are intentional and we have a purpose, we feel like we have a purpose, then we are going to move with more power as we move through and make decisions about what we are going to do with our lives and that we each have a message that might be born out of struggle. And when we get really in touch with where we we have been, how far we have come, and where we are moving then we can take that and turn it into a really powerful force."
"You do not have to worry about what this other person's thinking about you."
“I’m not a victim of what other people think of me.” I can love them even if they hurt me.”
“I decided I was going to love them more than I fear them.”
Personal habit: "I'm not good at habits."
Easy meal: "My favorite easy meal is the one that I pull right out of the freezer and throw in the oven and that is chicken strips and sweet potato fries. We bake them, we do not fry them."
Possession: "Wooden cutting board from my father-in-law."
Andrea's Favorite Book: Connecting: Healing Ourselves and Our Relationships by Larry Crabb
Best advice received: "To offer what I am good at."
"I am happiest when I am at rest in God's love internally. So that I can work externally towards that loving self-expression. "
"Name your fears. [I take a good look at my fears and ask, 'What is threatened in me? What’s more true than this fear?'] Then remember God loves you. You can be free."
Connecting: Healing Ourselves and Our Relationships by Larry Crabb
Frozen (2013 Movie)
Ever feel disappointed because your spouse or kids aren't doing what you wanted? Or because your house doesn't look the way it "should"? Learn how getting go of expectations and perhaps even yelling "Plot Twist!" can make all the difference in your happiness.
Early in life Judy Tsuei tried hard to control everything, a form of self protection, but after developing a severe eating disorder Judy knew she needed to change or die. After letting go of her emotional pain using the “Feel it To Heal It” method, Judy embarked on a journey to discover her own path - the things that bring her genuine happiness. Judy shares her story of growth and also adapting her identity a bit after she became a mama 2 years ago. Listen and learn how Judy is living a vibrant and happy life today largely because she has let go of that control and all the “shoulds” that plagued her for years and is finding her own path of happiness.
Judy moved from Kauai in Hawaii to pursue van living with her little `ohana (family) and she's the proud mama of an almost 2-year old named Wilder Love Fox. They're currently in Idaho on the way to Austin, TX to possibly plant roots for a little while. Along the way, she authored a highly reviewed book, Meditations for Mamas: You Deserve to Feel Good, now available on Amazon, and offers nurturing coaching programs for new mamas in the way of mini-retreats you can do from the comfort of your own home, as well as one-on-one support in the 4th Trimester, so mamas can thrive as they find their identities again.
"When something goes wrong in your life, just yell, 'Plot twist!' and move on."
"I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers which could not given to you now because you will not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything, live the questions now. Perhaps then someday far in the future, you will gradually without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." ~Rainer Maria Rilke
"You really have to feel it to heal it."
"The only way to get to that genuinely happy place is if you allow all the shadow-side things to exist with it."
"Because I have experienced such a depth of pain, I know I also have the capacity to really feel that joy. To feel like more joy than I can imagine because you know, I was a really sensitive person and I believe in balance, I believe in all of that. And since, having my daughter and all of that.. it is totally true. If you told me that my life would look like like it does now
versus when I was at the lowest point of my life, I would have never believed you and walked away from you."
"Each person is unique... For every single person on this planet, they have their own unique path towards enlightenment. So, you have your own unique path to joy. Someone else has theirs. And it is really about allowing yourself to explore that."
Personal habit: "It is balance. It is really remembering why I am working so hard just to be able to spend time with my family and that I tend to be by nature, one of those people who likes to work a lot, I really like to be creative, I really like
to build things and putting in those breaks and really turning off the phone, not being distracted is so valuable and replenishing yourself, so you can have fresh perspective and come back back at it renewed."
Easy meal: "Roasting a chicken and making a quick side of veggies."
Possession: "Bodum - personal French press that is stainless steel"
Judy's Favorite Book: Creating Money: Attracting Abundance by Sanaya Roman
Best advice received: "The only thing that will ever hold you back from your success in life is your own fear. That's it, just your own fear. "
"I am happiest when I am being creative, kind and generous, moving my body and [being in] nature and loving on my family. "
"Really observe the self-talk that you might have without judgement."
Meditations for Mamas: You Deserve to Feel Good by Judy Tsuei
Bodum - personal French press that is stainless steel
Creating Money: Attracting Abundance by Sanaya Roman
Do you sometimes believe you're less than some other women you know? Perhaps you believe you're genetically flawed or that you were raised poorly, leaving you no chance to be "as good as" others?
Learn how to change your negative self talk so you can open yourself up for greater opportunities and fulfillment.
Oh, and YOU ROCK!
One evening Lauren spent $600 on clothes. When she got home, she left the purchases in the car so her husband wouldn’t find out. The next day she decided she had to tell him what she had done, and how it was only the tip of the iceberg of the $40,000 of debt she had racked up. “When I told him, he just stood there staring at me for a while, then he said, ‘I forgive you. Let’s get through this together.’” Fast forward to today: Lauren and her husband are not only out of debt, but Lauren is teaching others how to do it, too. Lauren is the author of ‘The Recovering Spender’ and blogs at LaurenGreutman.com. Listen to find out the 3 rules that help her stay out of debt today.
"When the pain of staying broke becomes greater than the pain of changing your spending habits, that is when you will make a change. " "A lot of the debt was because I got us into the debt and never told him about it because I did not want to burden him. It was not that I was like trying to be sneaky. I just did not want to burden him. I would just say, 'Okay, it's what everybody does. I am just having a terrible time dealing with it so it is my fault, so I just need to handle it and get us out of it....'"
"I started feeling really guilty about it. I started thinking like, 'Okay, I hid this from him because I didn't want to fight with him... He knew we were in debt, but he did not know how much. But he knew we were in debt and here I am, going and spending $600 on clothing and now I am hiding it from him. This is not just good for our marriage and our future. The next day I decided to come clean to him and tell him all the debt that we had. And make a real difference. I felt like for the first time I realized that I could not do it myself, like I needed his help to handle this and to have somebody to talk to about it. It is really like - not only it is lonely and stressful but it is just damaging to your marriage if you have this big elephant in the room that you can never talk about it."
"He said, 'I forgive you, let us get through this together.' And so those are the words that changed everything. That was 9 years ago and from then on we got out of debt in 2 years. We just had a passion for teaching other people all the mistakes that we went through."
"I have a spending problem. I think I always have the personality to be addicted to spending. And because of that I have to know what boundaries I have to set up around myself, so I do not spend money. Like 3 rules that I have. #1.) Do not go to Target alone. My second one, if I do any online shopping, I use a prepaid debit card, so I have to fund it beforehand. And #3, I do not use credit cards. So, those are my three big boundaries I had to put around myself, to keep myself safe. So, yes, I would definitely say, it is an addiction of some sort."
"The biggest thing that they need to learn is how to set a realistic budget. For years, I was so terrified of the B word. I cringed on the inside. But once I saw that a budget can actually bring freedom to me, it really kind of opened up my eyes to all that's possible. For so many years, I spent money without knowing what was going on and, yes, that was fun and great, but then, you sit down at the end of the day, and you are like, 'Oh my gosh, I spent this much money. I did not know that I spent this much money! I don't know where it went. And now, you don't have money for your bills.' So, I found out that budgeting actually gives me freedom to spend what I want to without giving me that guilt and feeling of depletion at the end of the day. I think people need to set that realistic budget, and it can really really help them."
Personal habit: "That I can turn work off. I think that is a big thing. As an entrepreneur who works online, the temptation to work all day and all night and every weekend is there, you know, in your face all the time. We finally got an office outside of our house and that has been really imperative to my success with everything that I do online. I got so sick of being half on, half off all day long, that setting it up this way has really kept us very productive during our work hours and also being able to be a husband and wife at night and hang out with the kids, go out to dinner, and do fun stuff together without feeling guilty that I have so much work to do."
Easy meal: Homemade Spaghetti Sauce
Lauren's Favorite Book: For the Love by Jen Hatmaker
Best advice received: "Be kind to others because they will be kind to you."
"I am happiest when I stick to my budget, I spend time with family, and I sleep."
"I want everybody to think about their values and if their spending is a reflection of that value system. Because whether you are in debt or not, you can always do something better with your finances. It always comes down to your value system."
The Recovering Spender (Lauren's book)
You Need a Budget: YNAB.com
You know when you feel overwhelmed by mess, and noise and the general chaos of life? Join me for the 1-hour Recharge Challenge!
Angela Roberts had a dream to become a food blogger, so one day she jumped in and simply did it and has been more energetic, happy and thrilled with life than ever, mainly because she believes she's living her true purpose. In this episode Angela describes how we can know what our life's purpose is because once we've found it, we become a person who is thrilled to get out of bed in the morning to work more towards fulfilling that purpose.
Angela Roberts, is publisher, founder of SpinachTiger.com, a food, blog with over 900 recipes, and beautiful food photography. Angela has moved from the corporate world to decorative painting to food blogging, where she feels she has found her true creative zone. Angela has an M.A. in clinical psychology and has a great interest in family issues, especially the role that food and dining plays in the dynamics of family life.
Nuggets of Wisdom from Angela:
"Do the right thing because it is the right thing."
"Sometimes people do the right thing for the wrong reason. They do the right things to get ahead, kind of maybe the wrong kind of ambition."
"I really believe as human beings, God has created us to be on a particular path. "When we are on the path that is the right path for our DNA for who we are, then we are anxious to get up in the morning. And when you do not want to get up in the morning, there is something wrong. And that's where I was. I was really sad. I remember talking to people, not feeling a lot of hope. And that was until I found my next new reinvention of myself."I said to myself, "That is what I am going to do. I am going to be a food blogger," and that was 8 years ago, and I have never lost that buzz. And that is how I know I am doing what I am supposed to do."
"There is something that is so you. It is just YOU. Everyone has a dream. If you have some kind of dream. Just do one thing that starts it, and you may fail. Just try something and then let it evolve and be willing to embrace the journey and not the goal."
“I have a strong spiritual life that keeps me grounded and keeps defeating thoughts at bay. I have to remember, I could be just one blog post away from a big break. If I am doing what I’m happy doing, and I am excited, that is all I need to do.”
“Tomorrow’s always going to be better.”
“Even though I am not a Millennial, I do not want people to think I cannot do technology.”
Some of Angela's Favorite Things:
Personal habit: "For my whole entire life, I have been a person who exercises consistently, and I think that it helps your brain. I just think it helps me feel really good."
Easy meal: "A little olive oil in the pan, some chopped onions, some ground beef and some frozen peas. Salt and pepper. And then you can add in what you want, you can put in rice." Recession Delicious – Italian Ground Beef, Peas and Onions
Possession: "Silicon spatula from Oxo, for eggs or frittatas. It works for everything. The big one."
Angela's Favorite Book: Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength Book by John Tierney and Roy Baumeister
Best advice received: "Do not ever put anything in writing you do not want the whole world to see."
Angela's Happiness Formula:
"I am happiest when I have a purpose and when I act on it, when I work with intention and I live on a schedule."
A Challenge from Angela:
"I challenge all the listener's today to take one day this week or next week and fail at something. Do something you have always wanted to do."
Recession Delicious – Italian Ground Beef, Peas and Onions
Fluffy Southern Biscuits
Grandmother's Tomato Sauce
Red Beet Smoothie
On this HappyBit I talk about the "death spiral" of negativity, false humility, and celebrating our strengths so we can pull out of that nosedive of negativity more quickly.
April Boyd faced the unthinkable when her newborn daughter Nora suddenly stopped breathing at just 1 day of age. In this episode, April shares her story of going into a very dark place after her daughter died and slowly coming to the realization that she had to make a decision to claw her way out and not let her daughter’s life end as a tragedy. Instead, April chose to turn her daughter’s brief and beautiful life into a legacy. April created the Love & Loss Project to help break the isolation and silence surrounding loss.
April Boyd is a private practice therapist with clients across the globe, creator of the Baby Loss Survival Guide and the founder of the Love & Loss Project, an online comfort & inspiration station for women who have experienced the loss of a baby or pregnancy. When April is not doing the work she loves to do, you might find her on the top of a paddleboard or the side of mountain with her hunky boyfriend and her six pound Yorkie Sasha.
"We are here for a good time, not a long time." - song lyrics by Trooper
"I think so often we get caught up in so many things that pull us so many different directions, that we really forget that ultimately, our time is in fact limited and what we do with it, matters greatly. "
"The most important thing is really making the decision."
"What I was afraid of is that if I just continue to self-destruct and crumble and be lost that story that would go on to be told about my daughter and for my circle of friends and for my family it would ultimately be some version that she was reason why her mother was now a complete mess. And I did not want to allow that to become her legacy. And so I really committed to the idea that I was going to force myself back to life. I was going force myself to get back to a state of being able to experience things like joy again because that is how I needed to honor her and to make sure that the tragedy of her story really became a love story."
"First, know that you are going to go through this. And this is going to change you in some ways. But we still have control over which direction this is going to take us."
"So often, we have that tendency to just want to outrun the pain and outrun what hurts and distract ourselves and stay busy and avoid it. But I believe in many ways, that even though that it is useful at times, if that is our main go-to strategy all the time, then what we are really doing is just prolonging that agony. That which we resist gets stronger. So instead, I think we really need to give ourselves permission to open ourselves to this, to give our own selves the care and comfort that we deserve and to make our own healing a priority."
"Grief functions. It is such a magnifying glass. And it really just illuminates and brings to the surface some of our longstanding patterns, some of the longstanding pains that get in our way."
"Perfectionism is just fear in really good shoes." - Elizabeth Gilbert
"We need to burn off that tension and that stress."
"Your body is your compass. It knows your truth. It knows what feels good to you. It knows your answer."
Personal habit: Working out.
Easy meal: Steamed kale and carrots. Mixed with almond-based dressing.
Possession: Spiralizer. Cellphone for ordering takeout.
April's Favorite Book: The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte
Best advice received: "Your body is your compass. You need to tune in to what your gut is telling you and that is your guide."
"Be as compassionate as possible to both yourself and others because at the end of the day, we are all just doing our best and that is going to look different one day to the next. And we really do not have any idea what someone else is going through behind closed doors. And so I think if we just kind of allow ourselves to approach life with just a bit more compassion that can save us a lot of more frustration and anger and drama."
"Be the guardian of your own health and happiness. Focus on the pieces that you can control and bring your attention to that."
"Choose joy. I do not think that happiness is just an accident. I think that it is a choice."
"Think about the one thing that you have been avoiding. What is that thing that you have been procrastinating on, that you know is calling your name? Whether that is a class that you want to take, whether that is a change that you want to make in your work day, whether that is a conversation that you have been putting off having that you know that you need to express and get out there with somebody that you care about. Do that thing that you have been putting off doing and get it done now."
In this HappyBit I discuss how we're 100% responsible for the energy we bring to our relationships. Learn 3 steps to help you stay more positive.
Susie Parker had an OK time teaching her first child to sleep, but when baby #2 arrived, she knew her whole life was about to get harder because, as she shares in this episode, "She just stared at me with these beady little eyes and I knew this baby was not going to sleep." Get ideas on teaching any child to sleep, as well as making time to take care of yourself in the process, too. Susie's upbeat approach to things will have you laughing and feeling like sleep deprivation is survivable.
Do you know yourself? I mean, do you REALLY know yourself? The things that energize you and drain you, the things that make your heart sing and the things that deflate you? In this HappyBit I challenge you to live more authentically.